I don’t remember how old I was, but there I was, sat listening to a guest speaker that came to my school. It was a woman who doesn’t realise that she changed my thoughts about life. It is almost always guaranteed that guest speakers at schools will be boring, and make no impact because the only thing school kids (who think they know everything) hear is “blah blah blah” and wonder when it is going to be over so that they can go have lunch. Often the speaker is boring enough that I don’t blame anyone, and admittedly, I was one of those kids who thought I knew it all. I didn’t. Since the day I heard this woman’s story, I have believed that everyone has a struggle. At that stage of my life I didn’t have my struggle yet, but for some reason I still believed it. It is something I have never stopped believing. I think young me was very much in sync with slightly older me, telling me things before I knew them to be true.
I bet you are all wondering what this woman’s story was that she had such an impact on my thoughts. She spoke about her son that was born blind, and their struggles and how they overcame every obstacle before them. I do have sympathy for them, but the story didn’t touch me in any significant way. Just the belief that came with it… that everyone has a struggle. I remember sitting there thinking that if you have a perfect life, and everything has always worked out perfectly for you, it won’t always be like that and your struggle is yet to come. I don’t know why these exact thoughts and that exact moment has always stuck with me, but it is something that never leaves my mind. I also remember thinking that once you have lived your struggle, everything will go well for you from then on, because you have already overcome your struggle. I admit though, that I did go have that lunch I was daydreaming about and carried on with my normal young teen life.
In case you don’t know, I am just slightly obsessed with YouTube. If you happen to be too, you might know who Shay Carl and Anna Saccone are. They are both family vloggers who came out to the world about secrets they have kept and details about themselves that have never come out on YouTube. It’s amazing how much of your life you can share but still have a huge detail of it not known to anyone. The things they have announced have just once again, made my belief in my statement even stronger. Shay announced to the few million people who watches him every day that he used to be an alcoholic. While Anna announced that she has been struggling with an eating disorder (bulimia, to be exact) since she was a teenager, and has only recently started making progress to improve after seeing a psychologist for a long time because she doesn’t want this to affect her two children. She didn’t want to carry on living that way. I just want to point out, that I love and respect Anna so much, and their vlogs make me smile every day. Watching their videos makes my struggle a bit easier. I also think Shay is an amazing man who has so many great things to say and so many amazing opinions and advice, and the love he has for his wife and his 5 children never seizes to amaze me. I look up to him.
There was one thing from each of their videos that stood out to me and that I have been thinking about since watching them. Anna said something along the lines of every person having a different struggle, and no persons’ struggle is the same. She said that even though everyone has a different struggle, you can still understand and respect another person’s struggle because you are also going through something. You can understand how difficult it can be. Don’t quote me on this, Anna said it better! What Shay said… I have really been thinking about a lot. He said that he believes we are here to struggle. We were put on this earth to struggle and we ARE strong enough to overcome it. I don’t know if I believe that struggling is our purpose… maybe one day I will have a better opinion about it. Maybe one of our purposes though… like my best friends favourite words to me that I have heard more times than I can count, “You can’t know real happiness if you haven’t experienced sadness”.
I am still very unsure about many of my opinions, and as I woke up crying a few mornings ago… I found myself thinking, “What is the point?” The point of life, the point of these things happening to us, what is the point of it all? Is it to one day know true happiness? One day when you have conquered the challenges life throws? I can’t answer that question yet… but one thing I do know, is that I will not stop fighting. I refuse to give up.
For those of you who are very confused… among many other things, my girlfriend was forced to move overseas. And of course life is trying to make it impossible for us. I shouldn’t be surprised really… because I was cursed with people in my life being taken away from me. Not by death… but by distance.
She came to visit me for 3 weeks, and let me just say that it was the most amazing three weeks I could have ever imagined. Cuddles at night with an electric blanket; waking up to her special hot chocolate with bubbles, just the way I like it; card games and wine, date nights and cozy movie nights; flowers, hugs, kisses, adventures; from petting and taking a selfie with a cheetah to shopping and late night walks. A life with her is a never ending adventure that I never want to stop living. Saying goodbye breaks me like nothing has ever broken me before.
But… seeing her, holding her hand, touching her skin, looking into her eyes… those are the things that make me believe that this struggle is worth it. This struggle I will fight until I come out on the other side and I can feel her skin and look into her eyes forever, and never have to let go or fear leaving. Never having to say goodbye again. Never ending the adventure.